I'm Not So Tough
by CaskettFan5
Summary: This is a short story inspired by a song by Ilse DeLange with the same name. It begins during Countdown.
1. Awakening

A/N: This is a different source of inspiration for me so we'll see how it goes. Obviously, the show and the characters aren't mine. I'm just playing in the sandbox created by others. The song is by Bruce Bouton.

I can almost read your mind  
It's runnin' fast out of control  
You're afraid of what you'll find  
If you get too close

* * *

Cold, so cold. Dying. As consciousness began to return she began to panic. Where was Castle? Where was she?

She abruptly tried to sit up from her reclining position but her muscles weren't cooperating and her attempt wasn't succeeding at all well when she felt hands pushing her back down and a kind-sounding voice telling her something she had trouble comprehending. She tried to fight him off but that went even more poorly than the sitting up part.

Her eyes finally tracked and she saw an EMT bending over her and trying to shine something in her eyes. She didn't have time for this. She shut her eyes and tried to avoid the light as she spoke. "Wherz Cassle?"

Her comprehension was improving and she could tell that she was slurring. What the hell was going on? A sudden bout of shivering came over her and she had no strength to fight it. She shuddered as the EMT pulled the blanket up over her again and calmly told her she was fine and needed to relax.

She was alive, they were rescued! Wait! Castle! "Wherz Cassle?"

"If you mean the man you were with, he's in the other ambulance."

"Izy OK?"

She hated that condescending smile he gave her. "He's in the same shape as you. As far I know, he'll fully recover like you. _**If**_ you both cooperate."

She felt as helpless as a newborn kitten so she decided to just go with it and cooperated with the rest of his examination. Once that was over with, she began to collect herself for trying to get up again when a familiar voice shocked her into immobility.

"Hey, Kate. You gave us quite a scare there."

She was staring into the smiling face of one Dr. Josh Davidson and for a moment she considered whether she was hallucinating or not. "Wht're you doin' here?" Great. She still couldn't talk clearly.

A frown flickered across his face before his smile returned but it seemed a bit more forced. "I thought about what you said and decided to stay, to give us a chance."

She stared at him as she absorbed that. She felt no elation, in fact it felt like disappointment. This was so wrong, her boyfriend decides to stay and she isn't happy? What was wrong with her? She forced herself to smile as she finally responded, "That's great." At least she was beginning to speak more clearly. Too bad she was lying, though.

The EMT never gave her a definitive answer on Castle, maybe she'd have better luck with Josh. "Have you seen Castle?" Oh, he didn't like that. She felt her own ire start to rise but he spoke before she could do anything.

"No. I was focusing on you."

"Could you check on him, please? I want to be sure he'll be OK too."

His return smile wasn't very convincing at all. "Sure. I'll be right back."

She felt relieved. Was it because he was leaving or because she'd get news about Castle? Did it matter? All of the fight left her and she just continued to lay there on the stretcher. She had a lot to think about. She was very glad when Esposito and Ryan came to give her an update. It was a way to focus on the case instead of disturbing questions. Unfortunately they didn't find the bomb. Nothing seemed to be going right lately.

* * *

Rick had submitted to the EMT's examination out of necessity. Not only was his mind still a bit fuzzy, his muscles were barely responsive, he was subject to spontaneous shivers and he'd been assured that Kate was alive and being treated just like him. When the EMT left to speak to someone Rick tried to work on sitting up. It took him what seemed like a minute to achieve what would normally take a mere second or two. He was still sitting up unsteadily and shivering while trying to pull the blanket tighter around himself when he heard a familiar voice.

"Castle, Kate asked me to check on you."

Great. Dr. Motorcycle Boy was here. He was glaring at Castle and didn't bother to pretend any concern on his own part. Still, Rick did want Kate to be reassured that he was fine, or at least as fine as he could be this soon. "The EMT said I'll be fine. Tell Kate I'll be there soon." His rival rolled his eyes and departed in a direction that Rick made careful note of. He swung his legs off of the stretcher and was flexing them experimentally when he was interrupted again, fortunately by people he actually wanted to see.

"Good to see you still among the living."

"Espo?"

"And Ryan."

"Hey, Kevin. So you two found us?"

"Yep. Alexis called when she couldn't reach you and we had no luck either. We checked the places where we figured you two would be stupid enough to go, found Beckett's car and then found you two."

"And the bomb?"

"No. Long gone."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

He looked at the two dejected detectives. He'd been so worried about Beckett, he'd almost forgotten about the bomb. With that bomb still in play, everyone was at risk. They were still alive though, thanks to those two. "Thanks, guys."

They both smiled but only Javier replied. "No problem. We have each other's backs. You guys came for us." Rick gave a sad smile and nodded to them.

"Well, we gotta go. We still have a bomb to find."

"Right."

He then followed through on getting out of the ambulance but that turned out to be about two minutes later as he wasn't any steadier on his feet than he had been when he was sitting. Still, it felt better to get things moving again even though it triggered some minor shivering. He began to wonder if he'd ever feel warm again.

Since he still wasn't feeling too steady, he tended to shuffle on his way to the other ambulance. He was waylaid momentarily by an irate EMT demanding to know where he thought he was going. He wasn't in the mood for this, he really needed to see Beckett so he used his greater size to intimidate the man and assure him he'd be just fine on his own now. Since the EMT had already given him some instructions on what to do, he reluctantly acquiesced and Rick continued on his way.

As he approached, he heard soft talking that sounded like an argument to him. He didn't have a full view of the man sitting in the back of the ambulance but it seemed to be Josh. He knew Kate would not be happy about him eavesdropping so he loudly cleared his throat as he continued to approach and moderated his pace even though walking was becoming easier. His legs were getting better but it was taking time.

He saw Josh poke his head out and then say something he couldn't quite make out to Kate and they both became quiet as he came into view. He saw a big smile on Kate's face and an expressionless look on Josh's face. He focused on Kate who was sitting up but somewhat unsteadily as he had been earlier. He probably had a goofy smile on his face but it was so good to see her alive with his own eyes.

"Did you hear about…." He had just begun when Kate interrupted him.

"Hang on, Castle. Josh, could you give us a minute?"

Josh gave her a stony look and then abruptly stood up and practically stomped away. Kate aimed a glare at his receding back before turning to Rick and smiling again. "Could you come up here? I'm still trying to get my body to work right."

"Sure. It'll just take a few minutes to get things going again. I went through the same thing." He was careful stepping up into the ambulance but had no problem. His strength was coming back.

When he looked at her after sitting he caught her looking him over. He huffed out a laugh and muttered, "I'm still in one piece."

She looked down as if shy for a moment and he saw a hint of pink in her cheeks. She cleared her throat and then looked at him seriously as she began to speak. "We have to be careful what we say in front of the medical personnel. They can't know about the bomb. Espo told me it isn't here anymore."

Oh, good point. They certainly didn't want a panic. Good thing he hadn't thought of it until he saw Ryan and Esposito. "Right. I'll be more careful."

She nodded and then wiggled her feet as she stared down at where they were under her blanket. She reached out her nearest hand to him as she asked, "Help me up?"

He took her hand and then reached with the other one to help her put her legs over the side. They quickly became aware of the fact that she was only wearing socks on her feet. Her shoes were gone. "Damn! I liked those shoes! Where are they?"

Rick began looking around until he caught a glimpse of something under her stretcher. He pulled out a nice woman's boot with a four inch heel. He gave her a dubious look that she was unaware of as she was staring in delight at the shoe and saying, "You found them!" She looked up at him with a big smile that faltered as she saw his look. "What?"

"Are you ready for heels this high?"

She glared at him as she declaimed, "I'm cold, not an invalid!"

He looked down at her legs and then up at her and her glare decreased. "Fine. Just in case, you can stay near me." He helped her put on her shoes and it was an indication of how she still felt that she didn't raise any objections. She didn't even say anything when he had to give her a lot of help in getting down out of the ambulance and getting her steady again on the ground. After flexing her legs she pushed him back a little and muttered, "Not quite that close." It wasn't until that moment that he realized what he'd been doing could be interpreted as a hug.

He felt awkward and blurted the first thing that came into his head. "So, Josh is back."

She gave him a look that he wasn't sure was surprised or annoyed – maybe both. "Yeah. He doesn't like me not telling him what's going on though."

"Probably likes it even less that I know."

She gave him another look, more curious than anything else that he could tell. She nodded before saying, "Probably." She started walking towards a group of people that seemed to include Esposito and Ryan. "We have to find Fallon."

"He should believe us now."

"Jamal's body will force him into rethinking this."

He wasn't sure what to say so he followed silently. He decided to contact Alexis when he got a chance. He didn't want her getting worried and coming back to the city. She needed to be far, far away from this. Then he began to wonder, had Kate done anything about getting her father away from this? He shook his head, of course she had.

He stayed focused on Fallon as they discussed the case and Fallon finally was willing to investigate McCann. Things seemed to go pretty well until Fallon said them rejoining the task force was up to "her doctor" with a nod behind her. He saw Kate stiffen and she replied coolly.

"We've already been released."

Fallon looked a little surprised but nodded and said, "I'll see you in the precinct then," before he turned and entered his car to depart. Kate was staring at the ground and was apparently thinking hard. Rick wasn't sure about what was going on and the hour wasn't perfect for his call (just after 6 AM) but he stepped aside and pulled out his cell phone.

He was starting to think he'd have to leave a message when Alexis answered somewhat breathlessly. "Dad? Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, Pumpkin. How are things going at the spa?"

"Fine, I guess. We're back home though."

"What!?"

He heard her huff and then start to respond, "We were worried. If you're here…."

"Kate and I are still on a dangerous case, you still need to be somewhere else!"

"If I knew why…."

Rick gritted his teeth and saw that Kate was giving him her undivided, concerned attention and it made his frustration spike enough to say something unplanned. "I'll bet Beckett's father didn't give her this much trouble." He realized that he had accidentally opened a can of worms when Kate's eyes got big and she started motioning for him to stop. He didn't want to argue with Alexis anymore and decided to try a new tack. "Can you get Mother on for me?" Alexis mumbled assent and he hit mute and turned to Kate.

"What's wrong?"

She grimaced and looked down for a moment before looking up at him again. "He wouldn't leave. He said if I was staying then he would stay as well. I couldn't tell him why it was so important and he got stubborn."

Rick considered a remark about it being a family trait but decided that would be a bad idea. He pondered their joint dilemma for a moment when a solution hit him. "We should make this a joint effort. I tell my family to get him away and you tell him to help get my family away."

Kate looked stunned for a moment and he thought she'd call him crazy but she suddenly nodded and had a determined expression as she began a call of her own. It took some fast talking on both their parts but they eventually got all of them to agree to meet and get to his place in the Hamptons as quickly as they could.

Kate reached out to grip his arm as she thanked him for coming up with his successful ploy. His return grin faded as she became distracted and she looked over towards a tall man waiting near the ambulances that were packing up to leave.

She looked back at him and said, "See you at the precinct, Castle."

She turned and walked towards Josh and for a moment, he felt the fiery burn of jealousy. However, that faded as he took in her posture and stride. That was not Kate Beckett walking, that was Detective "badass" Beckett stalking towards the doctor. Rick wasn't sure what was going on but for the first time he did not envy Dr. Motorcycle Boy much for having Kate walking towards him. He liked badass Beckett but he didn't think Josh would enjoy it.

* * *

Alexis was still sleepy and annoyed that their plans had changed once again. "Grams, why did you suddenly agree to leave?"

Martha gave her a sly grin that spoke of conspiracies before replying. "We get to meet Katherine's father."

Sometimes she didn't really understand any of the adults in her family. Her flighty mother, her immature but dedicated father and her eccentric, dramatic grandmother - she was used to that. Now however, her Grams seemed to be starting a devious streak. She just shook her head and headed back to her room to pack – again.

A/N2: Two things bothered me about this episode. After talking about how secret the case had to be they openly discussed the bomb in front of Josh and an EMT, that shouldn't have happened. Second, why would Kate recover from hypothermia first? She succumbed first, which makes sense as she has smaller mass than Castle and she would also end up colder than Rick before they were rescued.


	2. Apprehension

A/N: I completely forgot to credit my beta for this story (shame on me!). Many thanks to Perspex13 for his kind assistance on this story. Thank you for the follows and favorites but since I'm trying to improve as a writer, I appreciate reviews even more.

You imagine I don't care  
You see walls that just aren't there  
You think I'm too strong to let you in  
Well that's just not fair

* * *

Kate was in her bedroom having just finished changing into something warmer. She felt wrung out and just couldn't feel warm no matter what she did. As much as she wanted to get to the bottom of this case, she found herself conflicted about seeing Rick again. She wanted her friend and partner with her on this case as they were better together than separately but she also had no idea what to say to him. Had she finished what she'd tried to say in the freezer? He certainly hadn't acted like she had. She'd just have to hope it all stayed case-related between them, well, until the case was over of course. If they lived through this, then she'd have to act.

She decided to be selfish and take a few moments to talk to Lanie. Maybe that could help clear her head, she wouldn't be at peak efficiency with her thoughts whirling as they were. Her phone connected and she heard a tired greeting. "How is it going Kate?"

"We almost had them but they got away. I think we're finally investigating the right suspects so I'm hopeful."

"Good to hear. You aren't going to tell me where to go too, are you?"

Kate chuckled as Lanie was playful but also sounded a bit irritated. "Let me guess, Espo?"

"Yep. Sometimes he just makes me so mad. At least your doctor friend can't bug you from Haiti."

Oh. There it was. She decided to bite the bullet and bring it up. "About that. He's not in Haiti or at least not yet. He's trying to get another flight." She paused to think of what to say next, which gave Lanie a chance to jump in.

"What happened?" She could tell from her tone that Lanie suspected something. She had to tell her now.

"He decided to stay but then we broke up. When I realized he was still here, I tried to get him to go anyway, not be here for this whole dirty bomb thing but I couldn't tell him that. He took it the wrong way and we had a horrible argument. Well, I just got tired of the whole thing. I've had one foot out the door this whole time so I decided to just step out and be done with it. So, he's on his way to save the world while I try to keep New York safe."

"Oh, honey. I know it probably hurts but you're doing the right thing. This thing wasn't good for either of you." She paused and in a teasing voice continued. "This also gives you a chance to try things out with Writer Boy."

Kate grimaced but decided to only tackle the safe part. "Actually, it's more of a relief. I was starting to feel bad about stringing Josh along. Besides, he's going to be safer in Haiti. Zero hour is 4PM, you should keep that in mind too."

"Don't you start with me, girl. If you're staying I'm staying. I bet Writer Boy is by your side."

"Not at the moment but, yeah, he will be."

"When this case is over, you really need to talk to that man."

She felt a violent shiver come on but wasn't sure if it was caused by the hypothermia she was recovering from or from what her friend had just said. "Listen, I better get going. They're expecting me at the precinct."

"Hunt them down, girl. Give them one for me too."

Kate chuckled and replied, "Bye Lanie."

* * *

Rick was surprised to find the loft already empty, his mother and Alexis certainly had taken his instructions seriously. Rick had taken a shower with the water as hot as he could stand for as long as he felt he could risk. He knew Beckett would be back in the precinct soon and he wanted to be there with her. If he waited too long she'd be gone on some lead and he'd be playing catch-up. Besides the countdown was still running. They had hours to figure this out or there'd be a disaster affecting many thousands of people. That was as unacceptable to him as he knew it would be to Beckett.

He still stopped at his favorite coffee shop for his and her favorite drinks. He got an odd look when he asked the woman behind the counter to heat up the bear claws but he left her smiling with the generous tip he left for quick service. Beckett not only needed the sustenance she would most likely skip, he was sure she'd appreciate any warmth she could get.

As he approached the bullpen he saw Beckett dressed more warmly but sitting rather stiffly at her desk. He didn't need to see her face to know that she was uneasy about something. She pulled out of whatever she was contemplating when he placed her coffee in front of her. Her smile was dazzling but morphed into curiosity when he held out a wrapped bear claw to her. She took it and he couldn't help but smile when she cradled it in her hands as if to absorb the heat from it. He knew exactly how she felt.

Her smile was somewhat shy when she looked at him again and thanked him. Her eyes shot around nervously and she leaned towards him and he leaned over in response. "When we were in the freezer…"

Her phone rang and startled her so badly that she nearly dropped her bear claw. She was blushing as she quickly answered it. She mouthed 'Espo' to him while she listened. They talked briefly about a military connection but then Kate told Javier they'd have Fallon check into it since he should have easier access to military records.

They quickly discovered the real Kevin McCann was buried in Arlington National Cemetery with full honors. When Fallon brought up that a foreign agent could still be involved, Rick assured him that the Kevin McCann that they had met was American with no accent whatsoever but Fallon didn't look convinced. Rick was getting frustrated so he then raised another point, why would someone impersonate a war hero? Wouldn't it be better to be someone more anonymous? Couldn't it be someone who knew him? Someone who would choose the identity to make a point? That finally made Fallon thoughtful. He ordered more records about McCann but when they found out that McCann had a sister in Queens, they all decided to go see her.

* * *

She finished the last of her bear claw as she entered her car. She couldn't bear to leave the coffee behind so that went into the holder beside her. She hid a smirk to see Rick still holding his cup in his hands as if to absorb all of the remaining warmth. It was somewhat reassuring that she wasn't the only one craving heat. She was glad that Fallon was taking his own car until she heard Rick ask a question.

"So, what did you want to bring up about the freezer?"

Why on earth did she go against her own decision and bring it up herself? Oh yeah, because she was driving herself crazy with questions. However, this wasn't the time to get into this. She had to delay this again and add one more thing she will eventually have to explain. She was really not looking forward to that.

"I just wanted to make sure I properly thanked you for your help on this case. He'd still have us chasing Jamal if it wasn't for you. Getting through to Fallon isn't easy, you've done much better than I have. As for the freezer itself, well, I'm just grateful for you staying with me even when it's not easy or safe. I'd probably be dead now if you weren't there."

"If I wasn't around, you wouldn't have been there to get trapped."

"And we'd still be chasing a dead man. Castle, you're the best partner I have ever had. I'm very serious here. Just accept the compliment, will you?"

She gave him a mix of a scowl and a smile and he quickly smiled back. "OK, ok. You win. It was my pleasure."

She tried to tell him with her smile what she couldn't say in words. Lanie was right, she really did need to talk with Rick. Nearly freezing to death was forcing her to confront some facts in her life. She owed more than she could admit aloud to the man sitting next to her. It was becoming more and more obvious that Rick was inside her walls and there was no escaping him. The question now when was she finally going to have the courage to tell him and take that risk? She felt uncomfortable as they rode in silence the rest of the way. She knew exactly what it was that she was feeling: guilt.

* * *

It didn't take them long to find out that the man they were looking for was Radford Hayes, a man who served in the same unit as McCann. When they found out he was disgusted with how the war was ignored and soldiers were considered as disposable Rick could finally see Fallon realize that it was domestic terrorism. For the first time, he saw Fallon looking pale and affected, his iron façade finally failing him.

As they left, he exchanged glances with Kate, she was obviously thinking the same thing. They both left Fallon to his thoughts and the only exchanged words were when he told them he'd meet them back at the precinct. They remained silent as they entered Kate's car as he could see that his partner was thinking intently about something. Now was not the time to pull pigtails, not only was there a lot at stake but feelings were running high. Prodding her now could lead to something very bad.

Thus, it was a minor surprise when she spoke when they were about halfway back to the precinct. "We broke up." For a moment the context escaped him and she must have seen it in his face as she quickly followed up with, "Josh and I. We broke up."

Part of him wanted to celebrate but the moment was still too tense, he carefully hid that inclination. "I'm sorry to hear that." Ouch. That didn't sound very sincere and from the look in her eyes as she glanced at him, it was obvious she had noticed. Great. They're finally both single and he's managing to dig himself into a hole already. He began to silently berate himself.

About 30 seconds later she broke the silence again. "It's almost a relief to be honest. He's on his way to Haiti where he'll be safe. Now I can concentrate on this case and working with my partner."

His hopes crashed. She'd only been trying to protect Josh and he was still on the outside looking in. He tried to stop the words before they came out of his mouth but he just couldn't do it. "So you might get back together later?"

He was surprised by the look she gave him. Was that shock? "What? **No**! He and I are _**done**_ , Castle. I'm sure I'll never see him again and that's fine with me."

She was angry or upset, probably both. It was time to retreat and get his thoughts together. "Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

She gave him a searching look and then she seemed to almost deflate a bit. She went back to her deep thoughts and he decided it was best for him to do the same.

* * *

She was actually starting to feel sorry for Fallon after considering him an asshole for so long. She saw Rick was thinking similar thoughts when they exchanged looks. She hid a smile at the thought of how in synch they were and when she allowed herself to think about it, it nearly took her breath away. That was just one of the signs she should have seen earlier that he was her one and done.

Kate thought again of the daunting task ahead of her and then another tack came to her. She should start laying the groundwork now. If she was really lucky, he might even meet her halfway. He didn't know about her breakup with Josh, at the very least she needed to put that out there.

She was a little disappointed when he didn't get it at first but then he wasn't a mind reader. She clarified what she meant and had to hide a smile when he didn't really sound disappointed at all. That was very encouraging. At least is was until she noticed that he seemed to be getting down on himself. Why had she hid her smile? Her natural reticence was an obstacle now, she had to get past that.

She tried to clarify that her breakup wasn't a sad event but it all came crashing down on her when he thought it was some temporary split. Where the hell had that come from? She hurried to correct his impression and she was angrier with herself than anything but his reaction was the opposite of what she'd been hoping for. Where had she gone wrong?

Kate reviewed what she'd said in her mind and it came to her eventually. She must have sounded still concerned about Josh even though she wasn't. Even her attempt at trying to emphasize her intent to focus on them had fallen flat. It had been too impersonal and work related. Josh was a nice guy when he wasn't being jealous but it was over. He was gone and she wasn't sad about it but that wasn't what she'd said. Communication was part of her damn job yet so often she did so horribly at it with Rick. What was wrong with her?

She scoured her mind for a way out of this mess but short range thoughts weren't working for her. She decided to take a mental step back and look at the issue as a whole. She began by coming to a wholly unsatisfactory conclusion. She'd been pushing him away so hard for so long that she had a lot to overcome. Unless she was specific and clear, he could take it the wrong way just as he had so recently done. She had shown him her cop persona so long that he probably thought she was too tough to need anyone, she certainly hadn't needed Josh.

It was her damn walls. Sure they protected her from others but they kept her away from others too. She had to open up to him and convince him this was the new her, her new attitude towards them, towards their future. She didn't have time for being daunted and if she was serious, she had to buckle down and do this right. What hadn't changed though was the poor timing. Their future was cloudy and probably brief if they didn't stop the terrorists. There was no question that the case had to come first. Again.

Their one lead from McCann's sister came through for them when they found Hayes' cell phone by triangulating from cell towers. They finally had something, which was an incredible relief as they were down to just four hours now. They needed Hayes quickly and they needed to break him. The arresting him part went pretty well but the breaking him part was looking bleak as he seemed too committed to talk in what little time they had left.

She tried to look confident as Fallon briefed her on how he wanted to go after him. However, internally she was anything but confident. She'd been watching Hayes and he wasn't some typical lowlife that she encountered in her job. He was a trained soldier and even though he and Esposito had taken very different paths after their military service, he seemed too much like Esposito. There was absolutely no way that this was going to be easy. She glanced towards Rick and saw him giving her a concerned but supportive look. It made her want to smile back at him but all she did was try to give him a confident nod. As grateful as she was for his support, she felt bad that she couldn't express that now. It was yet another thing that would have to wait and there were too many things on that list already. She really wished that Rick would be in there with her rather than Fallon.

Had she tempted fate with her thought of just a few minutes ago? She thought things had been complicated enough but now an enraged federal agent was holding a gun to the head of their only lead. Not only that but she was holding her gun on said federal agent. He may have come in and taken over their case and he may have even obstructed it somewhat with his stubborn fixation on foreign powers but he didn't deserve to die. She also didn't need to be the one who killed him.

She felt like she was in a frozen moment of time where the scales could tip either way in just a split second. She quickly concluded that she wouldn't do anything unless Fallon did. If he did shoot their only lead, she'd be forced to shoot him but only to wound. His death wouldn't solve the problem of them being out of leads. However, pulling the trigger would prove that he was out of control and she'd have to take him down with potentially deadly force. He would have done enough to doom them all, he couldn't be allowed to do any more. Her eyes flicked to the one-way mirror in a futile attempt to get some much-needed support from her partner. All she saw was her semi-crazed look staring back at her. At least Rick was out of the line of fire. She refocused her attention on the Fed who was still pointing his gun at the head of the only man they had identified who knew what the hell was going on.

Fallon finally pulled up his gun and let go of Hayes. Kate suppressed her sigh of relief and put away her own gun. The adrenaline crash came sooner and faster than she would have ever expected. She was trying to control her trembling as the others hurried into the room. She looked at Rick and time seemed to stand still once again. Her tremors eased and her mood lifted immediately. She had this overwhelming urge to go to him and hug him but she just couldn't. She tried to reassure him with her eyes while also begging him not to get too close to her. She really wasn't sure what she'd do if he got within reach of her at this moment.

Fortunately, Rick kept his distance until he had to help her pour her own coffee. The shaking of the coffeepot in her hand was a little embarrassing for her. She probably shouldn't drink caffeine when she was already a bit strung out but she felt she needed it anyway. She was pretty much on autopilot talking about the case with Rick while part of her was screaming for her to talk about them. It wouldn't have mattered as they were interrupted by Fallon.

She felt very bitter when he told them his gun had been empty. He'd planned the whole thing and never bothered to warn her. She felt betrayed and angry and if the case wasn't so important she'd be tempted to throw her coffee in his face. As it was, she gave him a stoic 'Yes, Sir' when he asked for their continued help on the case. When she found out about how Fallon had lost his wife, she felt a little more conflicted. He was still too reluctant to give up his first theory on a case, she'd never back off on that.

Then she asked herself how she would have behaved if Hayes was a suspect in her mother's murder. Would she have threatened him with a gun? She would have liked to reject the notion out of hand but her own abysmal behavior with Vulcan Simmons stopped that reaction. She remembered the disappointment in her captain's face after that debacle. If she lived in a glass house, she shouldn't throw stones.

When Rick brought up the fact that Hayes was so sure they'd 'find their terrorist' she was happy to accept the task of re-interviewing Nazihah Alhabi. It got her away from Fallon and gave her something to do to distract her from her own conscience. Once in her car and on their way, she glanced at Rick who seemed lost in thought, she decided to do some thinking of her own. Could she really commit to him with her mother's case casting a shadow over her life? It wouldn't be fair to Rick to start something with him while she was still susceptible to her obsession. Why couldn't things be simpler?

She was still so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize that anything was amiss until Rick got her attention. They hurried over to the surveillance car and found the FBI agent dead. All that was in the Alhabi apartment was a note that indicated that Nazihah was going to carry out an attack. Neither of them believed it for a moment. Kate called Fallon but Nazihah's car was still there so they had nothing to go on. She tried to canvas neighbors but nobody knew anything. Even the obviously dead man in the car had not caught anyone's attention.

They hurried back to the precinct, hoping that there was a lead from what they were doing but they had nothing either. While Fallon was on a call talking about 'NEST teams' Kate tried to come up with a new lead, anything else to try but she was coming up with nothing. They were down to two hours and they had nothing!

Her heart leapt when she heard that two members of Hayes' unit were supposedly fishing. Her heart sank again when Fallon brought up that they'd be trained soldiers just like Hayes and not broken any more easily than Hayes who had already stymied them. She felt her heartbeat rise and her breathing quicken and she tried to calm herself. Her eyes sought Castle, who seemed lost in thought. She'd always thought there was more time but that no longer seemed true anymore. Their hours were numbered and that number was only two.

Her thoughts went to her father, hopefully safe in the Hamptons. Castle's mother and daughter would be with him and maybe if the worst happened, they'd be able to help each other through their grief. They'd certainly have resources from Castle's estate. That thought made her eyes flick to him again. She had regrets in her life, who didn't? However, her biggest regret was sitting there – wait, he was getting up and approaching Fallon.

Did he have another idea? Was he going to break this case? She had been cognizant of his contributions to their cases more and more as time went on and if he was going to pull another surprise with his out-of-the-box thinking, now was the time!

It turned out to be not quite as out-of-the-box as she had been thinking and she held her breath as Fallon flicked the business card with his finger as he contemplated it. After a grimace and a huff, Fallon handed the card back to Rick and told him to make the call. She knew that this didn't necessarily mean a new break in the case but she had something to hope for now and she had to resist an urge to hug Castle in sheer gratitude. She began to think that this whole 'be professional' thing might be overrated.


	3. Resolution

If you like this story, you should check out Perspex13's stories. He's a better (and more prolific) writer than me and he comes up with a lot of great plots. I really enjoy the favorites/follows/reviews, this is a great fan base we have here. This is the chapter where you finally get to see why humor was one of the genre entries.

I'm not so tough  
I'll call your bluff  
And let you see a side of me  
That wants you here and cries real tears  
And needs someone to love  
I'm not so tough

* * *

Never in her life had she wanted to shoot anyone more than she wanted to shoot Fallon now. Things had started well as she kept very low key. Not only had she made a bad first impression on Yusef but as far as she was concerned, this was Castle's play and she was going to give him full rein. She had merely smiled and shaken his hand when he offered his hand but said nothing. Fallon had begun to fuel her pique when he refused to shake hands and acted challengingly toward Yusef. Castle had led Yusef into agreeing it was in their best interests to cooperate after she'd returned Yusef's gun but then Fallon had jumped in again and antagonized him. He wasn't the only angry one as her fingers lightly tapped her gun as she glared at Fallon. If he drove Yusef off she was going to throw cooperation out the window and rip Fallon a new one.

She didn't relax until Yusef gave them a tip just before he left. She gave Rick a relieved look and had to fight off an urge to hug him for getting them a lead. She settled for grabbing his arm to lead him to the elevator so they could get to the warehouse indicated by Yusef as quickly as possible. She realized that she may have been a little rough with him when he raised his eyebrow at her and rubbed his arm where she'd grabbed him. She did her best to ignore the smiles of Ryan and Esposito and was chagrined when Fallon joined them while still on the phone as Montgomery yelled something about sending an ESU team to help them.

She had no privacy until Rick joined her in her car and she took a few moments to get out on the street, turn her lights on and calm down. She gave him a look and saw him looking back at her curiously. She allowed herself a small smile and decided it was good time for some humor. "There's one duty of a good partner that you need to keep in mind."

"Really? What is that Detective?"

"Don't let your partner shoot a Fed and get in trouble."

"So that is why you were tapping your gun."

"You got that right."

"That makes me even happier that you were glaring at Fallon instead of me."

She laughed and they exchanged smiles before she had to focus on the road again. Her good humor fizzled as she contemplated the possibility that he was more serious than she'd thought at first. Could she have complained so much when they were first together that he thought she still considered him a nuisance? She looked at him again but he seemed to be thinking about something far away with an unreadable expression.

She contemplated the possibilities until they reached a rendezvous near the warehouse where they made their plans to surprise the terrorists. The clock was ticking and she had to focus on the case yet at the same time she realized that her time to confess her feelings to Rick was running out. She hoped they got through this in one piece so she could do it properly, not blurt it out just before she died. It was becoming more obvious that she might not have a choice in the matter.

For once, she was glad that she hadn't shot Fallon. He had actually turned out to be helpful for a change and it was about time in her view. She and Castle had had a brief disagreement on the route to search but she again decided to defer to Rick. He'd gotten them this far and had earned some trust. As she glanced at the time yet again they had less than an hour, much less, actually. They were fully committed as there was no longer a decent chance of escaping the reach of the bomb before it went off. They either stopped the bomb or they would die – either quickly or slowly depending on how close they managed to get to it.

She knew why she was here but she looked at Castle who was busy searching for the van they had to find. Deep down, she knew why he was there but thinking about it made her feel even worse about how she was letting her doubts hold her back. This had gone on long enough but she was distracted by what turned out to probably be a plumber and he looked badly rattled by their aggressive move towards his van before they left to continue searching.

Finally! They had found Nazihah and it initially took both of them to calm her down but then Kate reluctantly had to leave her to find out when help was coming while Rick apparently went to the back of the van. She realized she really ought to confirm what they were facing so she wandered back and saw him peering at the bomb while being careful not to touch it. She gasped when she saw the timer. There was less than five minutes left! It couldn't be that soon already!

A glance at her watch told her it was close enough, their time was nearly up. She suddenly realized that Fallon's estimate of 10 to 15 minutes was going to be too late. Unfortunately, pointing that out to him wasn't going to get them there any sooner. Rick gave way to her as she took a picture of the bomb to see if Fallon had any solution. While she was waiting for Fallon to get the photo and interpret it, she put her phone on mute and spoke urgently to Rick.

"What did I say before I passed out in the freezer?"

For a moment, Rick gazed at her in shock and she was about to remind him that they didn't have much time when he answered. "You said 'I just wanted to tell you that I' and then I think the next word would have started with L."

So she had started to tell him. She'd gotten most of it out, he'd probably guessed what she was going to say but he looked at her as if he wasn't sure. She was about to reply when Fallon came back on the line and she had to take her phone off mute and respond. He had nothing? He was back to being useless. They were doomed. What could she say? "We'll do what we can." She broke the call and saw Rick studying the bomb once more. Was it possible he could figure out the bomb? She had no clue about deactivating a bomb.

She didn't want to get her hopes up and their time was almost up so she finished what she'd tried to say before. "The 'L' word was love. The last word was 'you'."

He was looking at her as if in awe. A smile had barely started to come back to his face when he did a double take between her and the bomb. He spoke to her urgently. "When are they going to be here?"

"Not until too late!"

"Did he have any advice? Is anyone almost here?"

"No." She looked both ways up and down the street and saw nothing official, nor did she hear any nearby siren, just something still far away. She replied "Nobody" and when she saw the timer had just hit ten seconds, her heart nearly stopped.

"I love you too."

Her world seemed to stop and she felt like she was turning back towards him in slow motion. She had barely locked eyes with him when he turned away from her and towards the bomb. She couldn't help thinking that she wasn't going to get a last kiss.

* * *

Richard Castle was convinced more than ever that Detective Katherine Beckett was a mystery that he was never going to solve. Ever since they'd been saved from the freezer she seemed to alternate between trying to draw him closer and trying to push him away. He was trying not to imagine a breakthrough between them but it seemed to him that her pushing away was either due to circumstances, like Fallon entering into the break room, or the case. The latest example was her just teasing him while they were on the way to the warehouse indicated by Yusef.

When they arrived to the meeting point, he pushed all of that aside. They had to live through this first, everything else had to be secondary for now. He appreciated it when she gave in quickly on which route they needed to cover. However, in addition to the tension of looking for the correct van, he also was worried about someone else finding it on the route he diverted her from. It would take a long time to live that one down, assuming of course, that they survived this.

His heart was hammering by the time they found the right van and he was able to get out and approach the distraught Nazihah first because Kate was distracted on the phone telling the others where they were. As far as he knew, nobody else was near them so he hoped they had enough time to get here. It took precious seconds to calm her enough and get her out of the van. Sometimes his writer's imagination was a curse as he anticipated an explosion at any moment. He just had to see the bomb for himself and see where the countdown was.

When he opened the back he looked at the timer first and felt like his heart had fallen out of his chest. It was about to hit five minutes left and he had strong doubts about the real bomb experts getting there in time to help. He'd done research on bombs for one of his Derrick Storm books so he knew a little about them. It was quite different facing the real thing up close and personal though.

He ran through what he remembered as he tried to examine every square inch of the bomb that he could without touching it. He doubted there'd be any motion triggers or such as it had been in a moving vehicle but he wasn't going to take any chances. His hopes ticked up a notch when he realized how open the bomb was. The only part covered up was the tower like structure holding the radioactive material. Even terrorists apparently didn't want unnecessary exposure to something like that.

He traced the wires over and over with his eyes looking for secondary power supplies or other tricks he was aware of. However, there appeared to be nothing hidden. He could clearly see the wires, the main board and even the power supply. That didn't mean there were no wiring tricks he couldn't see but it appeared that they had not anticipated anyone getting a chance to disarm the bomb. He had a chance.

He was distracted momentarily when Kate wanted to take a picture but he kept his eyes on the bomb even then when he moved back. He was still looking for anything that he might have missed. He took another look all around the bomb as Kate was apparently still on the phone. Suddenly, she asked him a question and it didn't register at first. Was she was asking him what she said? Then he realized that she had been passing out at the time, she might not remember it well.

It still didn't make a lot of sense to him to bring it up now but she obviously felt it was important so he answered her. He knew what he hoped she was going to say but he tried not to set himself up for yet another disappointment. He was broken from the spell when she went back to the phone, he should have known. He went back to studying the bomb. How had that much time gone by? They had less than twenty seconds!

Luckily for them, the bomb that went off was more metaphorical. He couldn't believe when she told him the rest of what she'd wanted to say. It was exactly what his dearest hope had been for about two years now. However, the bomb was still ticking so he verified that they were on their own, told her he felt the same way and turned back to see the last seconds ticking away. There was no time for subtlety, he decided to yank every single wire he could grab in one hand. He held the base of the bomb down with his left and yanked with his right and his eyes went to the timer just in time to see three seconds before the timer went black.

He wanted to continue the countdown in his head but his mind was on overload and all he could do was stare at it until it became obvious that more than three seconds had elapsed. The bomb was dead and there would be no new terrorist attack. As nice as it was to be alive, he had left a lady waiting but as he started to turn towards her he noticed a bystander staring into the van with a look of confusion. Oops.

He reached back rather blindly towards the door on his side as his eyes sought Kate's. They stared into each other's eyes as they slammed the doors nearly simultaneously. For once he didn't have any words but Kate apparently had decided that none were needed. Her face was alight with a huge smile and it just took his breath away. Almost before he knew what was happening her arms were around his neck and her mouth was plundering his.

It was bad enough that he'd had to turn away from her before, he was absolutely going to hold up his end of this and his arms went around her, pulled her body tight to his and he tried to ravage her mouth with his. It wasn't until the sirens were loud enough to drown everything else that they finally broke apart. He knew that looking a little disheveled under the circumstances would go unremarked. However, her lips looked a little swollen and his probably were too. Oops again.

* * *

Kate slowly woke and realized she was naked but when she remembered the previous night, it didn't matter to her at all. She wasn't sure if it was over two years of frustrated attraction or the release from the tension of the bomb case but their first time last night had been hard and fast. The other two times had been slow and soft. She had enjoyed the last two more but didn't regret the first. Last night had been her best sex ever.

She was disappointed to realize that she was alone in bed. How did he manage to get out of bed without waking her? His side was still warm so he hadn't been gone long. She was pondering whether to get up and look for him but she just didn't feel like getting up yet. She felt warm, safe and happy and she didn't want the feeling to go away. She knew he'd be back as it was his bed after all.

Her thoughts had drifted back to the resolution of the bomb case. She had been upset about not getting a _last_ kiss when instead she got a _first_ kiss, the first of many. She felt a little giddy as she thought of the fact that now, she could get as many kisses as she wanted. She heard him reenter the room and decided to feign sleep but when she smelled the coffee, she abandoned that plan. Best. Lover. Ever.

They were just warming up for round four when they heard someone enter the loft and heard Martha's voice call, "Richard! We're home!" At first, all they could do was stare at each other in dismay. However, when they heard her call "Richard?" again much more closely, Rick sprang into action.

"Just a moment, Mother!" He found his pair of shorts and grabbed a robe from the closet and after hastily putting it on he went out to meet his mother. Kate stayed as quiet as she could but was having a remarkably difficult time finding any of her clothes. She found her panties but that was it. She climbed back into bed and covered herself with a sheet, just in case.

She heard Rick and Martha then later Alexis as well. She felt like cringing and hiding under the covers. Rick hadn't said anything about them coming back right away after he called them on their way to the debriefing. Not only was she caught in a very compromising position but a selfish part of her wasn't willing to share Rick yet. She knew that was very unreasonable of her, especially given how important Alexis was to Rick.

Just when she had started to calm down and think she might get out of this with her dignity intact, a phone suddenly rang in the room. At first she was frozen in consternation but then she recognized the ringtone. It was her phone! Where the hell was her phone? She jumped out of bed and realized the ringing was coming from under the bed. She frantically reached for it and noticed one of her shoes was there too. What the hell was her shoe doing under the bed?

She was frantic to silence the phone but instead of hitting ignore, she accidently hit answer. She didn't realize her mistake at first and slipped back into bed and covered herself when she heard her father's voice. "Katie? Are you there?"

She realized if she didn't answer he'd worry. This was just getting worse and worse. She answered as quietly as she could. "Hi dad. I'm fine, just a little distracted."

"Katie? Why are speaking so softly? I can barely hear you."

She was scrambling for a reasonable answer when the door opened and there was Martha giving her a loud and happy greeting. "Katherine! I just knew it was you! I'm so glad you two finally realized you should be together! Is that your father? He's a very charming man. Say hello for me, won't you dear?"

Martha paused as if just noticing that Kate was beet red and clutching the sheet to her chest while staring at her with huge eyes. Martha cleared her throat and continued much more quietly. "I'll just go and give you a chance to get dressed." Kate continued to stare at the door several seconds after it closed. Why was there not a proverbial hole for you to hide in when you were mortified? She could really use one right now.

She came out of her stupor when she heard her father laughing. Oh, God. He must have heard Martha. She felt like a teenager again getting caught returning after curfew. How was she going to talk her way out of this one?

'Um, Dad, I…"

"I don't want any details, Katie. Believe me, I don't. I'm very glad that you and Rick are finally getting together. I have so many stories to tell your _boyfriend_."

For a split second she wondered what he meant. Then it hit her. Her rebellious years and how her father told her about Karma. He was going to make her pay and pay dearly. Where is that hole? She really, really needed it now.

"Listen, sweetheart. I'll call you in a couple days so we can get together and compare stories. You won't believe Rick's place in the Hamptons. It's a mansion! Now that you two are together I can get to see it again in season. It's gorgeous now but it'll be incredible in the summer. Don't worry, Katie. I'll make sure I give you alone time with your _boyfriend_."

She was doomed. She probably deserved this in a way but she hoped the cost to her self-respect wasn't too high. After a heavy sigh that drew a chuckle from her father, she responded with as much sarcasm as she could muster. "Thanks, Dad."

"Don't mention it, Katie. Oh, and remember to tell Martha 'Hi' from me, OK?"

That was his teasing voice, he was really enjoying this. She didn't even bother with the sarcasm this time. "Sure."

"Love you, Katie. Goodbye."

It probably could have been worse. She's not sure how but it was possible. She dropped her phone, drew up her knees and let her head fall onto them as she hugged her legs. That was how Rick found her later when he entered with her bra and pants.

"Hey, I found your pants. Here's your bra too. I couldn't find your top but you can um, borrow a shirt or something."

She slowly looked at him as she was thinking of seeing his family, his _**daughter**_ , wearing borrowed clothing. It couldn't possibly be worse. Then she realized he had phrased things oddly at first.

"You found my bra too, right?"

"Actually, it was, um, Alexis."

She just stared at him and felt a little compassion when he began to fidget. Just a little mind you, she was very busy feeling humiliation.

"OK, I'll go get breakfast started. Just come out when you're ready." He gave her a hopeful smile and left. She dropped her head back down on her knees as one thought kept reverberating through her mind.

 _Just shoot me now._

* * *

Rick awoke to what seemed like a dream. There was a naked Kate Beckett lying beside him with her arm over his chest. It was a much needed proof that his memory of last night wasn't just one of his many erotic dreams about his beautiful partner. It had finally happened, they were finally together. He couldn't help but take the opportunity for what Kate liked to call 'creepy staring'. She was asleep and couldn't object.

She looked so serene and it was such a contrast from the craziness of their last case that it seemed like a miracle of sorts. Here was the most delectable creature he had ever met and she was with **him** in **his** bed. No dream could be better than this reality. Then he pondered how he could make sure she stayed relaxed and content. He considered round four as a good solution but then had an even better idea. How had he bribed his way into staying? Coffee, of course. He was very familiar with what she liked and he was sure he could make a cup of coffee that would make her smile.

He carefully got out from under her arm and tried not to jostle her as he got out of bed. She made a small noise of discontent and shifted at one point but he had done it. He was out of bed and she was still asleep. He kept up his 'creepy staring' as long as he could and didn't notice his shorts until he stepped on them. He looked down and decided to put them on. There was nobody else around to see but it still seemed weird to wander around his house totally naked so he slipped them on.

He went to the kitchen and got the coffee started and then he recalled that round one had started on the couch. Maybe he should tidy up a bit too. He easily found his pants, shirt and one sock but that was it for his clothing. For Kate's all he found was one shoe. Where were all of her clothes? They had to be around here somewhere! He remembered her taking her panties and phone with her after round one just as he had taken his shorts. Everything else should be here. He brought what he had found to his office and set them aside on a chair. He'd straighten that out later.

He returned to the kitchen and finished coffees for himself and Kate. He so looked forward to her reaction. As he was passing by the living room, he finally spotted her pants laying behind a chair. He had obviously been rather too forceful about getting rid of her clothing when he got it off of her. He had to retrieve them later though, his hands were full of more valuable cargo.

When he entered the bedroom, he was pretty sure she was awake even though her eyes were closed. However, he wasn't totally certain and decided to approach anyway and she must have smelled the coffee because she made a show out of waking up and gladly took her coffee. She had no problem with her nudity in his presence and he really appreciated the view.

Things had gotten very interesting once again when he heard something that jolted him right out of the mood. His mother was here? Why the hell was she back this quickly? His imagination began to race with all sorts of undesirable outcomes. What was he going to do? When it became obvious that doing nothing would probably result in his mother entering the bedroom and seeing them, he finally sprang into action.

He came out of the bedroom to find his mother in the doorway to his office with his very curious daughter peering around her. Time to go on the offensive. "Mother? What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until much later."

"I remembered an appointment, Darling. Life in the big city doesn't stop just because of one of your cases, you know. You gave the all clear so here we are. You don't have anything to hide, do you?" She looked curiously behind him as if she could see something through the closed door. He continued to approach them to cut off any more curiosity in that direction.

Alexis joined in as if she knew something. "Yeah, Dad. Do you have something to hide?"

Great, now Alexis was getting into it too! He had to distract them. "I still can't talk about the case if that's what you're implying."

Martha narrowed her eyes. "Oh, pish-posh. The story I'm after is much closer to home." Again, she looked behind him.

This was getting out of control but before he could come up with a response, his phone rang. This might be just the interruption he needed for a distraction so he bolted for his clothing to answer his phone but ended up staring at it dumbly. His phone wasn't ringing. He was so surprised that the fact that his mother had slipped past him and headed for his bedroom door escaped him for a crucial couple of seconds.

He was about to rush over to stop her when he was halted in his tracks. "Dad, can we talk for a minute?"

For a split second, he was torn between two urges but by then Martha had made it through his door and he realized that situation was up to Kate now. She had dealt with much more formidable people than his mother, hadn't she? He still felt the sting of guilt as he turned towards his only child. Her gentle smile gave him some relief.

She beckoned him to come with her and as they proceeded to the living room he wondered if they had seen the pants and that was what had given things away. However, she led him to a lamp and then removed a bra hanging from the shade. How had he missed that? Then he glanced toward the couch and asked himself a different question. How had it gotten that far away?

Then he looked into the sparkling eyes and mischievous grin of his daughter and his stomach dropped. Busted.

She suddenly looked shy and asked quietly, "It's Detective Beckett, isn't it?"

There was only one possible answer as not only had he promised to always tell Alexis the truth, he was quite proud of the fact that he was with Kate now. "Yes, it's her."

Her big happy smile bloomed on her face. "I'm so happy for you, Dad. I know how much you have wanted this."

"You don't have a problem with this?"

Alexis rolled her eyes as if he was being silly. "Of course not. Just remember this when I bring a special guy home to meet you." Her eyes hardened somewhat as she looked at him.

He suppressed a nervous swallow as after years of being outnumbered he knew you didn't dare show any weakness at a moment like this. Instead, he gave her a teasing smile and said, "I'll try."

After a mock huff of indignation she gave him a hug which he gladly returned. Just then, his mother burst on the scene like a multicolored tornado. "Well, I must be off. I'll grab a few things and then I'll see you – um, whenever." She waved her hand negligently and disappeared up the stairs.

He had a momentary suspicion that Martha was covering something up and wondered what had happened in his bedroom. Alexis brought him back to the present.

"I think I should warn you. Grams and Mr. Beckett talked about you and Detective Beckett, a lot. I think that's why Grams wanted to go there with him in the first place."

"Oh?" That might be good news but then again, maybe not.

She leaned closer and lowered her voice. "She seemed to be encouraging Mr. Beckett to help try to get you and his daughter together." She took on a mischievous smile before adding, "It appears you didn't need the help." Rick rolled his eyes but said nothing.

Alexis chuckled before adding, "Don't worry about it too much, Dad." She paused and looked more serious. "I'll freshen up but is it too late for breakfast?"

"Of course not. I'll whip something up right away."

"Thanks, Dad." She disappeared up the stairs after her grandmother.

He fully intended to start breakfast but first he had to check on Kate as his spidey senses were tingling. He made a stop to pick up her pants and proceeded to the bedroom and slowly opened the door to find Kate in a nearly fetal position but sitting up. This did **not** look good.

He started trying to reassure her but when she looked up, she was wearing her blank cop face. Oh, this was soooo bad. He had to fight his initial instinct of trying to make it better as he had learned that sometimes Kate needed space to process something and his attempts to cheer her up only made her upset with him too. He chose discretion as the better part of valor and left her clothes to go start breakfast.

* * *

Kate looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She was amazed at how she had come from what could well be the best moment of her life to one of the worst. She had rejected his t-shirts as too informal and all of her searching through his shirts to find the smallest possible one left her feeling as if she were wearing a tent. She had intended to tuck it in and pretend she was wearing one of her own tops but it would just make things worse. She let it hang down to make her shame complete.

She desperately wanted to run. Make some quick excuse as she ran out the door and then figure out what to do next later. She couldn't do that to Alexis though and it would be an insult to Rick too. That "plan" was a total no-go. She was a grown woman, she was a police officer! She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself and face the rest of her life. They hadn't discussed this as it was too early in their newly-acknowledged relationship but she wanted that "Always" that they talked about. She wanted her one-and-done and she felt that was Rick.

She steeled her resolve and abandoned her temporary sanctuary to face the music. She saw Rick working in the kitchen in the distance and then saw Alexis smiling at her from the couch. She nearly gulped when she thought about what she and Rick had done on that same couch the previous night but did her best to keep that from showing in her demeanor. Since Rick was busy and Martha was nowhere to be seen, she decided to sit down with Alexis and do her best to get past this awkward time.

When she got close, she gave Alexis a greeting which she shyly returned. They sat silently for a moment until Kate decided to find out how many people she had to face that morning. "Where is Martha?"

Alexis perked up at that. "Oh, she left. We came back earlier than we expected because of an appointment she had. I don't know when she'll be back."

Ah, she only had to face half of his family this morning then. Well, she had already faced Martha – badly, but she had faced her. She was brought out of her introspection to see Alexis offering her something shyly. "Is this yours?"

Kate stared at her top and had to resist the urge to snatch it out of Alexis' hand and took it calmly instead. "Yes, thanks." She felt her face start to burn yet again.

Alexis leaned towards Kate and whispered, "I'm glad it's you."

Those startling words broke through her embarrassment and she just barely avoided replying with an incredulous 'really?' It must have shown on her face as Alexis seemed to respond to her unspoken question.

"He's loved you for a while now. You've been a good influence too as he has really cleaned up his act. I hardly ever have to make him behave anymore."

Kate took it as a compliment and smiled slightly at the implied role reversal between father and daughter. "I'll help you with that now. We can gang up on him if we have to."

Alexis huffed a laugh. "I'll be glad for the help." She looked down and continued much more hesitantly. "This is serious then?"

Kate looked over in surprise but couldn't meet her downturned eyes. "It's very serious to me. I love your father very much, Alexis."

Alexis breathed a huge sigh and gave Kate a brilliant smile that suddenly faded. "Have you two been together for a while?"

Alexis' demeanor reflected disappointment and it took Kate a moment to realize what Alexis was thinking. "Officially? No. Your father once said that we were sort of dating and at the time I disagreed strongly. Looking back now, I'm not sure. We didn't admit our feelings until your father…." Kate stopped abruptly and blinked in alarm, she couldn't say that! "When the case was closed."

Alexis' look of relief reassured Kate but they were then interrupted by Rick. "They'll be ready in about two minutes!"

Alexis turned partway towards her father and asked, "What is almost ready?"

"Pancakes!"

Alexis liked that answer. "Do we have strawberries?"

"Yes, I noticed some in the refrigerator."

"Great! Do you like strawberries, Detective?"

"Yes and please, Alexis, call me Kate. Save the 'detective' stuff for the precinct."

Alexis smiled as she left and said, "Thanks, Kate. I'll make sure there's some for you too."

Kate got up and saw the breakfast nook was empty. "I'll set the table." She knew right where everything was due to her previous stay at the loft. She couldn't help but watch Rick and Alexis interact cheerfully and it suddenly hit her that this was something she had missed since she was 19: a family. She now had a chance at a family of her own. That was still just a dream at this point but it finally seemed possible.

Kate had a sudden epiphany. If she wanted this to endure, she had a decision to make. Her mother's case or Rick? Her past or her future? She looked at Rick and Alexis again and the decision was easy. She chose "Always". She would fight for a family; it would not only make her happy it would also honor her mother in the best way possible.

She saw Rick giving her a curious look and she smiled at him, which earned her a smile back. The future was looking bright and it had been far too long since she'd felt like this. This is what life was all about and she wanted more.

Final A/N: And so ends this tale. I'm not going to pretend that they will live happily ever after, this is Caskett we're talking about here but I wanted to end with a strong foundation for the future. I just can't see the end of season 5 or all of season 8 happening like they wrote it if they began like this.


End file.
